Bond 23 is Officially 'Skyfall'

Today saw the London press conference for the latest James Bond feature and now all suspicions can be laid to rest - the film is officially named 'Skyfall' and shooting begins this afternoon.

 Filming locations include Pinewood Studios in London, China, Turkey and Scotland. Academy Award winning director Sam Mendes ('American Beauty', 'Road to Perdition') it's at the helm and the cast alongside Daniel Craig's Bond include Dame Judi Dench, Javier Bardem, Ralph Fiennes, Albert Finney, Naomi Harris and Berenice Marlohe.

 After MGM (Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer) filed for bankruptcy last year, things seem to be looking up for the studio and swift movement is now elevating the latest Bond film in the franchise. 

 Interestingly, today is the 50th anniversary of Sean Connery's announcement as James Bond for the franchise's first picture, 'Dr. No' back in 1962. Next year will see the series' full 50th birthday however. 

 Here at Haydon's Movie House, we will keep you updated on all things Bond and 'Skyfall' as the film progresses. Let's just hope it features a scene like this...

NOW THAT'S A SKYFALL.

Trailer for Errol Morris' 'Tabloid'

Academy Award winning documentary filmmaker Errol Morris' latest picture 'Tabloid' follows the stranger-than-fiction adventures of Joyce McKinney, a former beauty queen who ended up being front-page news across the globe due to her powerful devotion to the man of her dreams. Her life in the limelight saw her involved with a cavalcade of bizarre mishaps and situations which Morris captures in his signature and personal direction. View the trailer below and stream the film now with Dogwoof.TV

'21 Jump Street' Red Band Trailer Arrives

2012 seems to be continuing Jonah Hill's frequent movie roles and amongst next year's offerings is alongside Channing Tatum in '21 Jump Street'; an adaptation of the popular 80s television show which starred Johnny Depp. 

 The film's red band trailer was released online this morning and first impressions are very good and one sincerely hopes the film is hilarious. View the trailer below.

Great Snakes! The Guardian Hates 'Tintin'!

"Thompson! Look what The Guardian said about us!?"

For those of you who have read my review for Steven Spielberg's 'The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn', you will be aware that I absolutely adored it. I believe it's the year's most exciting blockbuster, the strongest animation and a wonderful homage to the classic adventure tales of yesteryear. If you missed my review, you can read it here. 

 Anyway, despite receiving predominantly positive reviews from fellow critics - it currently holds an 85% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes (although that will certainly change once released in the US this December), one publication is not impressed or happy with it at all. In fact, it would not be a lie to say The Guardian hates 'Tintin' with every fibre of it's inky being. Here is a screen-shot of just some of the articles that come up when one searches Tintin on the paper's website:

 So far the paper has released 6 full articles as to why the film is 'terrible', 'awful' or any other word to describe how bad it is and how stupid we all are for liking it. Even a sports writer has had a dig. A SPORTS WRITER. I've been getting frustrated with The Guardian's behaviour towards the film for some time so I was thrilled to see that Ali Gray from The Shiznit had created a post this morning fighting the paper's over-dramatic hate. You can read his brilliant and well-balanced argument here.

 The paper has awarded the film two stars in two reviews (Xan Brooks - whose reviews seem predetermined, and Peter Bradshaw - who, well, doesn't really like Hollywood that much does he?)  plus Henry Barnes supplies a short video review where he says: "It's hard to care about Tintin when he's got nothing behind the eyes". 

 The Guardian's other attacks are made up of miscellaneous articles from know-it-alls who actually are unaware they are missing the entire point. Perhaps the most melodramatic and borderline offensive is from Nicholas Lezard; lifelong Tintin fan and lifelong idiot who makes incredibly bold and outrageous claims such as:

 'Coming out of the new Tintin film directed by Steven Spielberg, I found myself, for a few seconds, too stunned and sickened to speak; for I had been obliged to watch two hours of literally senseless violence being perpetrated on something I love dearly. In fact, the sense of violation was so strong that it felt as though I had witnessed a rape.' 

 His article continues in this preposterous manner and if you really want, you can read it for yourself.

 I find it quite frankly baffling why The Guardian has such an issue with this film - granted, if a film critic believes it is only worthy of a two-star review, then that critic will write a review exposing the elements that he/she liked or disliked, but for one single publication to document six full pieces as well as videos saying just how much they dislike Spielberg and Jackson's adaptation, it quickly goes from personal or professional opinion to down-right unfair.

 The majority of these articles read like attacks on the audience as much as on the picture - it seems that if you are a fan of this film, you have no knowledge or respect for the source material and that you do not truly understand the ethos of Tintin and his adventures. Considering I've been a fan of Tintin for many years and have read the books and watched the TV show, I feel I am in a position to disagree.

 Chances are that the majority of younger viewers entering this film will have not read these books; not out of spite but out of age. However, their parents or guardians are likely to have some experience or recollection with the character so it is capably appealing to the greatest possible audience. Also, wouldn't a writer like Lezard not want people to revisit or discover the comic books and classic TV episodes after seeing Spielberg's update? Because it is a certainty that many will, so in actual fact, this film has done him a favour, but in his ignorance, he is too blind to notice that.

 It's sad to see such a great bias towards a film that actually speaks to the past - it may be created with futuristic technology and screened in mega-pointless 3D, but underneath that gloss lies a swashbuckler that's rooted in cinematic history and an example of classic storytelling - it's a film that has an alcoholic protagonist as well as a motivated young man, a worldwide search for lost treasure and a glorious battle upon the Seven Seas, and it's just a shame that The Guardian are too snotty-nosed to notice.

Check Out My Review For...

Review published with The Upcoming.

"Shock, Shock Horror Baby, Shock, Shock Horror"

I assume some of you have read my rather damning review for 'The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)'  in which I pick up on the franchise's mindlessness and self-obsession.

 What Tom Six (above) wants to do is simply shock his audience repeatedly without giving them any substance, intrigue or valid approach or idea to his horrific content - he feels stitching numerous people's faces to a stranger's rectum is enough storytelling, character development and cinematic formula to warrant the tyrant of irrelevant and particularly stupid gloop.

 The most gripping and chilling horror movies are the ones which ask the audiences questions; films which ponder upon social awkwardness and dilemmas, consequently causing viewers to ask themselves about their morality. Plus, horror movies that have a serious or realised message can still be laden with gore and sickening violence so there is simply no need to invest your time in Six's waste-products. 

 The example I'm using in this argument is 'A Serbian Film' from 2010 - a film that is infinitely more disgusting, repulsive and potentially offensive than 'THC' franchise but has rounded characters, a valid message about the fears in our modern-day society and an intrinsic link and attack on the 'Torture Porn' sub-genre. 'A Serbian Film' is an angry and frustrated picture that mirrors the feelings of it's 'protagonist' (sort of anyway) Milos (Srdjan Todorovic); a ageing porn star who is offered a role in an 'art film' in a bid to break away from the business. However, as the filmmaking process gets started, things aren't what they seem and he suddenly realises he has been drafted into making a paedophilia and necrophilia themed snuff movie.

 Surely that synopsis makes your skin crawl more than seeing pretty people being connected together?

 'A Serbian Film' is a devastating, despicable and uncompromising watch, even in it's cut form which is missing 4 minutes, but it is also a powerful and thought-provoking experience that you certainly won't enjoy, but you may soon wonder why you gave 2, 3 or 12 craps about Six's movies. I whole-heartedly recommend it if extremely graphic content does not distress or offend you.

'The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)' Review

'The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)' (dir: Tom Six, 2011) Cert: 18

After finding Tom Six's first feature in this franchise, 'The Human Centipede (First Sequence)' to be mind-bogglingly stupid rather than depraved and grotesque, to say I had low expectations for the sequel would not be an over-statement. The film was originally banned by the BBFC but Six's studio yuppies managed to talk them round and the film has been released with 32 cuts lasting approximately 2 1/2 minutes. But don't worry readers, there's still plenty of faeces to go round!

 The film follows Martin (Laurence R. Harvey) - a bug-eyed, mentally disturbed loner who works the night shift as a security guard in a parking complex. He is obsessed with 'The Human Centipede' and watches it religiously whilst at work. The disgusting works of Dr. Heiter inspire him to create his own Human Centipede but rather than attaching 3 people together, Martin has a much greater figure in mind.

 The problem with the 'Human Centipede' films is that they are critic-proof; no matter how much bile and anger is spat at them, the film just uses the outrage to it's advantage. Plus, films like this survive through word-of-mouth and morbid curiosity; something which no critic could possibly change, but heck, I'm going to give it a try anyway.

 Six's latest film is unbelievably, undeniably and unintentionally stupid - in fact it's so dumb it's easy to forget what he is trying to do to his audience. 'THC2' is not a film, it's merely a check list of everything disgusting and utterly ridiculous that one could ever possibly think of. Poo? Anal Rape? Bludgeoning? Amateur Dentistry? Vomiting? Urine? Yes they are all here, and no they are not in the least bit frightening. Sure, this film is sickening but it's so self-indulgent and obsessed that it's hard to feel any slight emotional response towards it. If a film is making you feel unwell, you are connected to it. I felt like I was staring at a rather bloody and sweaty wall for 88 minutes and I will never regain those minutes. If I was Justin Timberlake in 'In Time', I'd be dead.

Still from 'The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)' (dir: Tom Six, 2011)

 But the film's obsession with itself is down to Six - the idiotic maestro behind these atrocities. He thinks that by presenting this film in contrasting Black and White, he has created art? Well, no Tom you haven't, all you have achieved is making blood look black rather than red. To call this film artistic is like kicking talent, beauty and dedication repeatedly in the face - much like this movie does to it's suffering spectators. In fact, Six loves himself so much that the film's 'narrative' (very loose term) is based upon somebody being infatuated with his film and repeating it's actions, and to make matters worse, he then has the audacity to make audiences believe this film is 'real'. Victims of Martin frequently squeal "'THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE" IS A FILM! IT'S NOT REAL!" before he hits them, ties them to a stranger's backside and forces them to eat their excrement. Charming.

 There is not one single redeeming quality about this train-wreck; sure Martin is 'creepy' to an extent because he barely utters a sentence and grunts a lot, but watching him indulge in violent act after violent act is tiresome, pointless and agonisingly repetitive.

 'THC2' is without a doubt the most profoundly idiotic, mind-numbingly terrible and generally hateful picture I have had to endure this year. The BBFC should have stuck to their guns and held the ban; not because this film is poisonous or offensive, but because audiences deserve so much better than this catastrophic mess.

 Right, now run along and ignore everything you have just read - just try not to slip on all the blood and poo.

Say hello to the worst film of 2011 - Tom Six, take a bow.

By Chris Haydon