Tuesday, 1 November 2011

'The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)' Review

'The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)' (dir: Tom Six, 2011) Cert: 18

After finding Tom Six's first feature in this franchise, 'The Human Centipede (First Sequence)' to be mind-bogglingly stupid rather than depraved and grotesque, to say I had low expectations for the sequel would not be an over-statement. The film was originally banned by the BBFC but Six's studio yuppies managed to talk them round and the film has been released with 32 cuts lasting approximately 2 1/2 minutes. But don't worry readers, there's still plenty of faeces to go round!

 The film follows Martin (Laurence R. Harvey) - a bug-eyed, mentally disturbed loner who works the night shift as a security guard in a parking complex. He is obsessed with 'The Human Centipede' and watches it religiously whilst at work. The disgusting works of Dr. Heiter inspire him to create his own Human Centipede but rather than attaching 3 people together, Martin has a much greater figure in mind.

 The problem with the 'Human Centipede' films is that they are critic-proof; no matter how much bile and anger is spat at them, the film just uses the outrage to it's advantage. Plus, films like this survive through word-of-mouth and morbid curiosity; something which no critic could possibly change, but heck, I'm going to give it a try anyway.

 Six's latest film is unbelievably, undeniably and unintentionally stupid - in fact it's so dumb it's easy to forget what he is trying to do to his audience. 'THC2' is not a film, it's merely a check list of everything disgusting and utterly ridiculous that one could ever possibly think of. Poo? Anal Rape? Bludgeoning? Amateur Dentistry? Vomiting? Urine? Yes they are all here, and no they are not in the least bit frightening. Sure, this film is sickening but it's so self-indulgent and obsessed that it's hard to feel any slight emotional response towards it. If a film is making you feel unwell, you are connected to it. I felt like I was staring at a rather bloody and sweaty wall for 88 minutes and I will never regain those minutes. If I was Justin Timberlake in 'In Time', I'd be dead.

Still from 'The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)' (dir: Tom Six, 2011)
 But the film's obsession with itself is down to Six - the idiotic maestro behind these atrocities. He thinks that by presenting this film in contrasting Black and White, he has created art? Well, no Tom you haven't, all you have achieved is making blood look black rather than red. To call this film artistic is like kicking talent, beauty and dedication repeatedly in the face - much like this movie does to it's suffering spectators. In fact, Six loves himself so much that the film's 'narrative' (very loose term) is based upon somebody being infatuated with his film and repeating it's actions, and to make matters worse, he then has the audacity to make audiences believe this film is 'real'. Victims of Martin frequently squeal "'THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE" IS A FILM! IT'S NOT REAL!" before he hits them, ties them to a stranger's backside and forces them to eat their excrement. Charming.

 There is not one single redeeming quality about this train-wreck; sure Martin is 'creepy' to an extent because he barely utters a sentence and grunts a lot, but watching him indulge in violent act after violent act is tiresome, pointless and agonisingly repetitive.

 'THC2' is without a doubt the most profoundly idiotic, mind-numbingly terrible and generally hateful picture I have had to endure this year. The BBFC should have stuck to their guns and held the ban; not because this film is poisonous or offensive, but because audiences deserve so much better than this catastrophic mess.

 Right, now run along and ignore everything you have just read - just try not to slip on all the blood and poo.

Say hello to the worst film of 2011 - Tom Six, take a bow.

By Chris Haydon

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