As always with the good comes the bad and 2012 has been no exception; in fact the last 12 months have showcases some truly horrible films, let alone bad ones. The picture above shows Skyfall and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 but NEITHER of these are in the list so don't worry too much. Anyway here's the 10 most repugnant, offensive and downright abysmal films. Enjoy, I guess..
(dir: Daniel Espinosa - USA/South Africa - Cert: 15 - Universal Pictures - 115 Mins)
I still quite haven't worked out how a film starring Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds and Vera Farmiga could be so uninteresting but alas, Daniel Espinosa managed it with Safe House - a mindnumbing, vacant and impossibly stupid crime thriller which offers absolutely no thrills WHAT-SO-FUCKING-EVER. As well as Denz sporting the dumbest haircut of the year, his performance is riddled with clichés and he's clearly choke-held by the lifeless dialogue he is forced to spurt. Safe House deserves to be locked away.
The Three Stooges
(dir/s: Bobby & Peter Farralley - USA - Cert: PG - 20th Century Fox - 92 Mins)
I cannot find the words to express just how painstakingly awful The Three Stooges is; sticking razorblades in your eyes and anus would be more fun. This video perfectly sums up what watching this sack of shit is like:
- Practice Satanism and offer up your loved ones to the Dark Lord for sacrifice
- Stand in front of an on-coming bus and beg to be run-down
- Be repeatedly kicked in the privates for 85 minutes
- Get a job in B&Q that lasts for 60 years and refuse any kind of retirement or pension plan
- Be suffocated, broken and eventually eaten by a Boa Constrictor
- Leave your children in the care of Gary Glitter
- Watch 150 hours of Jersey Shore with Japanese dubbing whilst papercutting yourself
- Get fingered by Edward Scissorhands
- Become a member of the BNP
- Repaint your house, your neighbours house, in fact; repaint every house on your street
- Set fire to your face and consume 500ml of rat poison
- Become a Meth addict
- Listen to the Crazy Frog's version of Axel F for an entire week on repeat, through headphones which you cannot remove whilst being whipped, punched and starved.
All of these things are better for you and indeed this planet than seeing that disgusting cunt prancing around like a cunt with a band of z-list 'celebrity' cunts patting each other on the back for being supposedly funny cunts. The cunts. I'm off to wash my mouth and my keyboard out with soap...