‘Fred: The Movie’ (dir: Clay Weiner, 2010), Cert: 12A
He’s the YouTube sensation whose frequent short films have had millions of views and now Fred Fingglehorn (Lucas Cruikshank) has been given the cinematic treatment. The film has been distributed by Lionsgate and is presented by Nickelodeon. Strangely enough, the film didn’t get a cinema release in the United States, it premiered on television, but here in the UK, we get to see Fred in all his squeaky voice glory in our local multiplexes; fantastic.
The film follows Fred (Cruikshank) over one weekend in which he tries his best to invite the love of his life Judy (Pixie Lott) over to sing with him, but his attempts are frequently stopped by bully Kevin (Jake Weary). Fred spends hours planning his moves but it’s all a waste; Judy has moved house! Now Fred must embark on an adventure to find her and invite her over to his house and make her his girlfriend.
Ok, where to start, well as you can tell from the story, not a lot happens. In fact, for the film’s 82 minute duration we see Fred burn his tongue, dig a hole, talk to strangers on buses and scream. He screams a lot. In fact, he screams for so much of this film that the mind-numbingly irritating high-pitched sound haunted my dreams last night. Fred talks to the audience directly throughout the picture explaining what’s supposedly happening which I found rather insulting in all honesty. I know that is his character’s signature trait but even a new-born baby could keep up with this drivel, let alone hear him tell us about it.
Fred is also slightly racist to a certain extent; in one scene when he realises Judy has moved and a family of Asians have moved in, Fred runs and calls the police screaming (obviously). He says that evil Asians have kidnapped Judy frequently and then tells the audience that he doesn’t understand why Asian people are there. He also meets a Mexican man who doesn’t speak English. Rather than leaving, Fred screams at him and tells the man to stop messing with his head, he then says to the audience that the man must be an alien because he doesn’t understand him. Now I know this is supposed to be seen as ‘funny’ but I found it quite troublesome.
This film is also incredibly un-funny. In fact, spending a Friday afternoon on the M25 or being repeatedly ‘happy-slapped’ is much more fun than this. Fred is quite possibly the most annoying, brain cell killing and pointless character ever invented. In one scene in which Fred screams and destroys his living room, I psychically wanted him dead. Now I know this film was hardly meant for the critical eye, but I’d be surprised if it even impresses its toughest critics; children. I am still confused as to why the BBFC slapped it with a 12A certificate, a PG would have been perfectly fine, and that way, less adults would have to endure these 82 minutes of mental torture. I really can’t see children connecting with Fred or even finding him particularly funny, sure they will probably giggle when he falls over or gets hit in the face with a dodge ball (in fact, I would have loved to have thrown one at him), but ultimately, there are much better films out this Christmas for children and far more likable characters.
Not even Fred’s Dad, played by WWE superstar and super-idiot John Cena could save this for me. He is the best thing about it for sure, and watching him smash a vase over Fred’s head was pleasant but this film had died for me after 5 minutes, which is 2 minutes longer than watching one of his ghastly videos online. Pixie Lott is the dumbest casting for some time; she waves a bit, sings a couple of lines and looks good, but she’s as vacant as a derelict house. Way to go and ruin your already non-existent acting career Pixie.
Please do not waste your money on this film; save £7.50 and go see something else or rent a movie and buy some popcorn. ‘Fred: The Movie’ should never be witnessed by anyone and it’s going to take me a long time to remove it and the sound of his cat-drowning scream from my poor bruised memory.
It’s taken until December but I’ve found the worst film of 2010. Congratulations Fred, you incredibly irritating dweeb.
Verdict: 1 out of 5 – The film version of pouring boiling water on your face and repeatedly punching yourself afterwards. Your brain will be fried and your eyes will burn. A horrible, useless and utterly foul excuse for a movie.
By Chris Haydon